• By Sam Parton
• In Blog
• Feb 23, 2014

The Grassroots XI - The 11 Characters in Amateur Football Teams

If you play amateur football, you will be familiar with some of the following characters. Every team has a handful of them, these people are unavoidable. The question is which one are you?

1. The Has Been

Characteristics
Many moons ago a good player, they have since piled on a few pounds. They have great vision and ability but are no longer as good as they think they are. They're usually lazy and incredibly bossy to team mates.

Pros
Can see a pass no one else can, still have a mean shot, good at set pieces

Cons
Bossy, blame others, run out of puff just before half time.

2. The Bulldozer

Victor Ubogu - a danger to team mates and the opposition

Characteristics
Chunky, convert from rugby where they used to be good, but are now carrying a bit of timber. Have the turning circle of a P&O ferry so mow straight through people, even their own team mates and the referee.

Pros
Absolutely fearless, tend to win every header, somehow score goals, committed

Cons
Dangerous to absolutely everyone, including their own team mates. Give away a lot of fouls, rarely last 90 minutes and are often hungover before kick off,

3. The Absolute Nutter

You don't want to get on the wrong side of this person...

Characteristics
These people are wired, they genuinely look possessed. Terrifying to play against and with, their bite is often even worse than their bark. Throw themselves at everything at take the game very seriously, there's no such thing as a friendly for these people.

Pros
Committed, will not shirk a tackle, passionate, lead by example and never give up

Cons
Scare their own team mates, particularly the younger ones, will sulk even if you win, prone to getting sent off

4. The All The Gear, No Idea

Immaculate to look at, but what do these people actually do?

Characteristics
Immaculately dressed with socks pulled up high, hair nicely coiffed, shirt tucked in and very clean boots (often brightly coloured). Bring an entourage to matches

Pros
Look good, add glamour do the team, attract spectators

Cons
Usually disappointing, rarely commit themselves to a challenge, tend to get injured.

5. The Headless Chicken

Owen Hargreaves is the perfect example of a headless chicken

Characteristics
Incredibly annoying to play against as they won?t stop running. Usually lack skill and have a heavy first touch. They will always be running, even during half time and after the match.

Pros
Great engine, don?t tire, annoy the opposition, committed in tackles, handy in extra time

Cons
Usually lack skill and quality, cannot shoot for toffee

6. The Chippy Annoying One

Dennis Wise - chippiness personified

Characteristics
Has a derogatory nickname often imposed by their own team mates, with some element of truth. These people will chip away at the opposition all day. They are usually quite good and add spice to games.

Pros
Technically strong, wind up the opposition, committed, don't give up easily

Cons
Often disliked by their own team mates, can get into fights, a bit annoying

7. The Beast

Big, strong, cumbersome and tend to eat all the match tea..

Characteristics
Typically a striker or a defender, these people are huge and you often wonder what they have been eating. Dominate in the air, hold the ball up and scare the opposition.

Pros
Big and powerful, win headers, allow you to play route one football

Cons
Never run unless they really have too, rarely score, deceptively slow, still get pushed off the ball despite their vast size

8. The Genuinely Good Player

These players are good, but don't they know it...

Characteristics
They are good but they know it. Believe they could have been professionals had they chosen to. Think they are slightly above the level they are playing. They are undeniably good, usually the best player on the pitch, score goals at crucial moments but just a bit irritating.

Pros
Score goals, create goals, add quality, game changers

Cons
Lack loyalty, usually move off after a season, arrogance can make drinks afterwards tedious

9. The OAP

Greying beard and hair (if they still have it) is typical for these players

Characteristics
These people are ancient and probably lying about their actual age. Their experience is very valuable and they encourage younger members of the team with their wisdom

Pros
Still good despite their age, have seen it all before, calm and collected

Cons
Turning circles similar to the Bulldozer, injury prone, rarely last 90 minutes, miss games due to babies etc

10. The Billy Whiz

Dennis Rommedahl was too fast for his own good...

Characteristics
This person is usually young and is fast, lightening in fact. No one else in the team can keep up and they often run past the ball because they are just too fast for it.

Pros
Fast, can beat other players unlike most people in grassroots

Cons
Two left feet, miss a lot of chances, tend to run off the pitch, heavy first touch

11. The Malnourished, Pale One

Luke Chadwick - a useful squad player in any team

Characteristics
Skinny and weak, usually slow and could do with drinking some more milk.  It is not clear what exactly they bring to the table and which is their best position. However their versatility and reliability can be handy.

Pros
Make up the numbers, take most of the blame, versatile

Cons
Slow, get pushed off the ball, very quiet, worryingly pale

So which one are you? Have any characters been missed off? Let us know in the comments below.

By Sam Parton

Sam is co-Founder of OpenPlay which makes it easier to find and book sports venues